I Once Lived as a Homosexual. Then as a “Trans-Woman.” Now, I’m a Christian & Happily Married to My Wife.
At 20 years old, I had long hair, earrings, and answered to “she/her.” But that wasn’t who God made me to be.
By that time in my life, I was living in deep rebellion against His good design. It started right around puberty. I was an unmoored child, having recently moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in child acting. I was taught to be whoever I wanted to be, and to be whatever the casting director said I should be. My growing identity began to be based on the approval of others and my own desires, rather than on the Gospel and my Creator’s wisdom when He knit me together in my mother’s womb. My family was raised United Methodist, so our identities should have been in Christ, but the UMC’s apostasy was already well in motion.
By middle school, my mind was very dark. Once I got a phone and got on social media, I was enticed to see myself as gay. I had difficulties growing up and fitting in, and I came to believe that conforming to the LGBT lifestyle would be the solution to my miseries. Lies, lust, pride, and porn began digging ditches in my brain, and I started to believe what was being offered to me: If I was in a dark place with no hope, it was probably because I wasn’t living as my true self. But if I took my life in my hands and declared my destiny, became proud of who I decided I was, then I would be free, virtuous, purposeful, and righteous. Those were things I didn’t have and desperately wanted.
But the opposite happened. By adopting my “new identity,” I marginalized myself and became a martyr in my own eyes. I was now on the other side. Accepting the “persecution” was just the price of freedom, or so it seemed.
I saw this transformation as discovering something I had been missing all along, even though it is clear to me now that I was offered a dark gospel and a forbidden fruit, although it was delightful to my eyes at the time. Thus, I took it and ate of it. Even though I had “pride” and an anchor now, I remained unfulfilled, and throughout high school, I wondered if the next step in my identity would be “becoming a girl.” I didn’t get along with guys because we had nothing in common. I had so much in common with girls that I might as well be one, I told myself.
I also hitched my identity to astrology, psychiatry, and marijuana, starting in the 11th grade. I still needed saving, and my first anchor had not held me fast. Once in college, I took advantage of the full “freedom” I finally had. I started using marijuana almost every waking moment, and it served to break down every preconceived notion about reality, order, truth, and possibility. This is where I started to consider transitioning seriously. In adulthood, I was supposed to manage my own life, but I couldn’t. I nearly broke my shin while drunk, almost tried hard drugs, and almost got fired multiple times.
At one point, I was thinking about my past, and remembered this: When I was in kindergarten, a 5th-grade class came to be reading buddies for us, and I was assigned two girls. I remember telling them one day that I wanted to be a girl, and they told me a boy could never become a girl. The idea disgusted them, but I think more on a natural basis. Even if they had said “God says so,” it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, so I reacted in rebellion. The other girls in my class weren’t wild, and they never got in trouble. They were also pretty, had pretty names, and were well-liked. I thought it would be better for me to be like them. In college, when I remembered this incident with the older girls, it was a bittersweet way to revisit the past and permit myself to pursue what I had always wanted: To “transition” into a “girl.”
This side of the cross, it is clear that Satan had been seeking footholds in my life and others’ lives in my generation, having already accomplished so much to normalize this falsehood. A separate, longer story is that while I was in college, my whole family was being saved, starting with my dad. I ended up dropping out of college, and he drove up to take me home once I knew I couldn’t stay. I continued to act out at home, but I was hearing the truth, seeing the fruit of their salvation, and starting to want what the Christians in my life had. I began to see this even more clearly when I was miraculously freed from my marijuana addiction overnight in October 2022.
In April 2023, I began to realize two main reasons why homosexuality is an abomination. First, we have modern day pederasty on hookup apps. Second, this pederasty and pedophilia is the result of the insatiability of sin. I did not participate in this, but I was able to observe it up close. For me, though, I realized that my desire to transition was a fulfillment of the deepest fleshly desires, finally coming out of the woodwork. Rather than wanting to be like a stronger, higher-status man, I wanted to exploit him. Rather than wanting to join with a woman, I wanted to be like her. God’s design can only be imitated or perverted, but never subverted.
I also began to realize that my anchors of old identity—the labels I had built my life around—would all go up in smoke, and I with them, if I did not repent. But I was keenly aware that “who I am” was not compatible with my church and the truth. My lust, depression, and addictions had defined me for so long, but the martyrdom I drew my pride from had turned into embarrassment. My sin was no longer justifiable, and for the first time, I was seeing myself as wicked, with evidence. I wanted the joy others had in Christ.
My church and family welcomed me, loved me, and shared the whole truth with me. It was a tightrope that the church members walked together in prayer. I was saved on May 28, 2023, and began unlearning my old ways and being sanctified. My life verse is Ephesians 4:28. The thief who no longer steals is no longer a thief! I no longer saw myself as a thief (gay) because I no longer stole and had no more desire to steal!
Later in 2023, my dad connected with Dr. Jared Moore on X. We knew that being saved meant having my affections changed, but Jared was the first person we encountered who was preaching this specific truth, that unnatural lust is sin and cause for repentance and faith, not just when acted on but when present at all in the heart. Self-identified homosexuals are therefore not “born this way” but have a choice to make in their lives whether to follow the lust of their flesh or not. If being saved was only about changing my behavior and not my identity, which stemmed from the heart, then why would I be saved? I couldn’t labor, doing honest work with my own hands. If I were to continue as a “gay Christian,” I would look in the mirror every day and see gay before I saw Christian.
Jared encouraged us at that time to be bold about this truth, both within and outside the Church. He admonished me to “keep rejecting all indwelling sin and cultivate desires in lockstep with pursuing God’s design for [me], which is biblical marriage.” This is the crux of his book, The Lust of the Flesh, which came out around this time. It is a rock-solid defense of the fact that our indwelling desires are sin and that failing to believe that God could change those desires is also sin.
Jared prayed for me to know the true freedom that letting go of all things gay would give me. He knew that God’s design for me was marriage. I had the joy and privilege of meeting Jared Moore in person at the Southern Baptist Convention in Indianapolis last year, along with many of the other wonderful brothers working with the Center for Baptist Leadership. Jared’s discipleship and influence on my life have been a great gift from the Lord. I’m thankful for his work and highly commend it to anyone else fighting to put to death the same sin that I had to kill in my own life.
Back before I was saved, though I had never thought I could love a woman or live as a man, I knew that the redemption story for every sinner was about redirecting our affections from sin and towards God and holiness. I knew that being saved meant having changed affections and no longer being a homosexual, but I had built my life around that aspect of myself. Christ smashed that idol and gave me the faith to know that I would not persist in that sin forever!
And, last year, in His most gracious kindness, He sent the most wonderful girl into my life: Destiny.
We were married on April 26th, 2025. We have no regrets, and I know for sure that what happened to me is available to anyone stuck in the same lust I was in. Soli Deo Gloria!
